| Have you ever used the self-scan when | | | | of the scan) TWO NINETY |
| checking out your groceries? Man, what an | | | | NINE...SAVINGS...FIFTY CENTS...PLACE YOUR |
| experience. I usually do my shopping early in | | | | PEACHES ON THE BELT. I turn around to my |
| the morning before my two cups of coffee have | | | | neighboring isle, Did you get that? Yes, |
| had a chance to wear off. The stores aren't | | | | they're on sale. Everyone in the store knows |
| too crowded and I can power walk up and down | | | | I bought peaches. Beep FIVE SIXTY |
| the isles tossing food in the cart left and | | | | NINE...PLACE YOUR BATTERIES ON THE BELT. |
| right. I stop occasionally to put on my extra | | | | |
| pair of eyes to make sure that I'm not buying | | | | Okay, I finally try to get used to the |
| a cart full of trans fats and sugars, | | | | screaming banshee in the computer when my |
| otherwise it's smooth sailing. | | | | organic grapes won't scan. PLEASE REMOVE YOUR |
| | | | ...ITEM...FROM THE BELT...HELP IS REQUIRED. |
| I love to food shop; nothing to try on, kids | | | | Argh!! I look up and down the isle for help |
| are in school so no distractions. A very | | | | and help is nowhere to be found. (I'm feeling |
| pleasant experience. | | | | pressure, the line in back of me is getting |
| | | | longer.) Ah, the heck with it. I'll forego |
| To make things even better, there are now the | | | | the...IF YOU ARE FINISHED SCANNING PLEASE |
| self scan isles. Whoa, I must be in heaven. | | | | PRESS FINISH AND PAY. How rude! I'm in the |
| Not only do I get to really play out my | | | | middle of deciding what to do with the |
| childhood fantasy of being a cashier (back | | | | grapes. Urgh! |
| then you actually had to touch the keys on | | | | |
| the cash register, hear the cha-ching sound. | | | | I ditch the grapes and keep scanning until |
| Afterwards, you had to be able to correctly | | | | the blaring voices says THE BAGGING AREA IS |
| count out change, but I digress), I also get | | | | FULL, PLEASE BAG YOUR GROCERIES BEFORE |
| my morning workout of lifting scanning and | | | | SCANNING. Of course as I stop to bag, the |
| bagging at breakneck speed (coffee does that | | | | impatient obnoxious loud voice screams IF YOU |
| you know). | | | | ARE FINISHED SCANNING PLEASE PRESS FINISH AND |
| | | | PAY (why I ought a...) |
| I'm ecstatic to be able to take the contents | | | | |
| of my cart, scan the little black lines | | | | Groceries bagged, I continue to scan my items |
| accurately past a little 5 inch square window | | | | until my cart is empty. I press the |
| and then toss the groceries onto the conveyor | | | | appropriate button to terminate this little |
| belt. I'm in heaven until... WHAM, Like a | | | | adventure as yelled to me by the computer. |
| brick, a very loud female voice erupts from | | | | YOUR TOTAL IS ONE HUNDRED SIXTY TWO DOLLARS |
| somewhere behind the little scan window | | | | AND SEVENTY-SEVEN CENTS. Ok, my discreet |
| "PLEASE SCAN YOUR ABC STORE CARD...SYSTEM | | | | little shopping trip is now front page news. |
| PROCESSING...YOUR CARD HAS BEEN | | | | |
| ACCEPTED...PLEASE BEGIN SCANNING..." | | | | I scan my debit card to which the computer |
| | | | voice booms, PLEASE FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS |
| Yikes! No one has yelled at me like that | | | | ON THE PIN PAD (no duh, you mean you don't |
| since the time my mother caught me lighting a | | | | get to yell at me further?) I take care of |
| little fire under my baby brother while he | | | | the payment. THANK YOU FOR SHOPPING AT ABC |
| was in his high chair! Eeeooouuussa! Where is | | | | STORE, DO NOT FORGET TO TAKE YOUR RECEIPT. |
| this screaming wench? Come on out from behind | | | | |
| that scanning window. I've got a little | | | | Can't we mute these things? Aside from the |
| something for you, it's a wonderful product | | | | fact that I place My Two Cents on the world |
| called duct tape. C'mon, show yourself. | | | | wide web for everyone to see, I'm really a |
| | | | very private person. I wish the self scan |
| Not being one to cause a fuss, I obeyed the | | | | computer woman would realize this! |
| loud computer voice and begin scanning. Hmm, | | | | |
| I'll start with the peaches...beep (the sound | | | | That's my two cents and I'm sticking with it. |