| Have you ever used the self-scan when checking | | | | CENTS...PLACE YOUR PEACHES ON THE BELT. I |
| out your groceries? Man, what an experience. I | | | | turn around to my neighboring isle, Did you get |
| usually do my shopping early in the morning | | | | that? Yes, they're on sale. Everyone in the store |
| before my two cups of coffee have had a | | | | knows I bought peaches. Beep FIVE SIXTY |
| chance to wear off. The stores aren't too | | | | NINE...PLACE YOUR BATTERIES ON THE BELT. |
| crowded and I can power walk up and down the | | | | Okay, I finally try to get used to the screaming |
| isles tossing food in the cart left and right. I stop | | | | banshee in the computer when my organic grapes |
| occasionally to put on my extra pair of eyes to | | | | won't scan. PLEASE REMOVE YOUR ...ITEM...FROM |
| make sure that I'm not buying a cart full of trans | | | | THE BELT...HELP IS REQUIRED. Argh!! I look up |
| fats and sugars, otherwise it's smooth sailing. | | | | and down the isle for help and help is nowhere to |
| I love to food shop; nothing to try on, kids are in | | | | be found. (I'm feeling pressure, the line in back of |
| school so no distractions. A very pleasant | | | | me is getting longer.) Ah, the heck with it. I'll |
| experience. | | | | forego the...IF YOU ARE FINISHED SCANNING |
| To make things even better, there are now the | | | | PLEASE PRESS FINISH AND PAY. How rude! I'm |
| self scan isles. Whoa, I must be in heaven. Not | | | | in the middle of deciding what to do with the |
| only do I get to really play out my childhood | | | | grapes. Urgh! |
| fantasy of being a cashier (back then you actually | | | | I ditch the grapes and keep scanning until the |
| had to touch the keys on the cash register, hear | | | | blaring voices says THE BAGGING AREA IS FULL, |
| the cha-ching sound. Afterwards, you had to be | | | | PLEASE BAG YOUR GROCERIES BEFORE |
| able to correctly count out change, but I digress), | | | | SCANNING. Of course as I stop to bag, the |
| I also get my morning workout of lifting scanning | | | | impatient obnoxious loud voice screams IF YOU |
| and bagging at breakneck speed (coffee does | | | | ARE FINISHED SCANNING PLEASE PRESS FINISH |
| that you know). | | | | AND PAY (why I ought a...) |
| I'm ecstatic to be able to take the contents of | | | | Groceries bagged, I continue to scan my items |
| my cart, scan the little black lines accurately past | | | | until my cart is empty. I press the appropriate |
| a little 5 inch square window and then toss the | | | | button to terminate this little adventure as yelled |
| groceries onto the conveyor belt. I'm in heaven | | | | to me by the computer. YOUR TOTAL IS ONE |
| until... WHAM, Like a brick, a very loud female | | | | HUNDRED SIXTY TWO DOLLARS AND |
| voice erupts from somewhere behind the little | | | | SEVENTY-SEVEN CENTS. Ok, my discreet little |
| scan window "PLEASE SCAN YOUR ABC STORE | | | | shopping trip is now front page news. |
| CARD...SYSTEM PROCESSING...YOUR CARD HAS | | | | I scan my debit card to which the computer |
| BEEN ACCEPTED...PLEASE BEGIN SCANNING..." | | | | voice booms, PLEASE FOLLOW THE |
| Yikes! No one has yelled at me like that since the | | | | INSTRUCTIONS ON THE PIN PAD (no duh, you |
| time my mother caught me lighting a little fire | | | | mean you don't get to yell at me further?) I take |
| under my baby brother while he was in his high | | | | care of the payment. THANK YOU FOR |
| chair! Eeeooouuussa! Where is this screaming | | | | SHOPPING AT ABC STORE, DO NOT FORGET |
| wench? Come on out from behind that scanning | | | | TO TAKE YOUR RECEIPT. |
| window. I've got a little something for you, it's a | | | | Can't we mute these things? Aside from the fact |
| wonderful product called duct tape. C'mon, show | | | | that I place My Two Cents on the world wide |
| yourself. | | | | web for everyone to see, I'm really a very |
| Not being one to cause a fuss, I obeyed the loud | | | | private person. I wish the self scan computer |
| computer voice and begin scanning. Hmm, I'll start | | | | woman would realize this! |
| with the peaches...beep (the sound of the scan) | | | | That's my two cents and I'm sticking with it. |
| TWO NINETY NINE...SAVINGS...FIFTY | | | | |