| Have you gotten that call in the middle of the | | | | she is on Medicare, Medicare will only pay for |
| night telling you that your mother who is 2,000 | | | | follow-up treatment if your parent has spent |
| miles away has fallen and is in the hospital? Has | | | | three full overnights in the hospital. Not days, but |
| your father come for a visit and had a slight | | | | overnights. |
| stroke? These circumstances can interrupt your | | | | Don't let them try to push Mom or Dad out too |
| everyday life and send you into a state of panic | | | | early. If it's legitimate for them to stay in the |
| and fear. THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO DO | | | | hospital, make sure they stay. I had a friend who |
| WHEN YOUR PARENT IS HOSPITALIZED IS TO | | | | unfortunately did not know the three-day rule at |
| PUT YOUR PANIC AND WORRY ASIDE AND | | | | the time, and her mother wanted to leave the |
| SHIFT INTO WARRIOR MODE. Here's what you | | | | hospital early. She needed therapy at home as |
| need to do. | | | | the doctor prescribed but had to pay for it |
| 1. Don't panic. It is natural to be fearful and | | | | herself because she did not meet the |
| overwhelmed when your mother or dad is rushed | | | | three-overnight rule. |
| to the hospital. Accept your feelings as natural, | | | | 5. Manage the hospital's discharge planner. Within a |
| but put them aside right away. YOU ARE YOUR | | | | day or two of your parent's admission, you will |
| PARENT'S BEST ADVOCATE. If you live far | | | | meet the discharge planner, whose job it is to |
| away, immediately call a friend who can go to the | | | | arrange for where Mom or Dad goes and what |
| hospital and be your liaison on the ground until you | | | | help they need after the hospital. THIS IS VERY |
| get there. You will quickly get frustrated and | | | | KEY -- if your parent is going to have to go to a |
| angry trying to get information about what's | | | | rehab facility, a skilled nursing facility, and the |
| happening with Mom or Dad unless you have | | | | three-day rule is met, Medicare will pay for the |
| someone on the scene looking out for YOU and | | | | best or worst facility. IT IS YOUR JOB AS |
| letting you know what's going on. If you can't get | | | | ADVOCATE TO FIND OUT THE BEST FACILITY |
| to the hospital, there are also elder care | | | | AND GET MOM OR DAD IN THERE! This will |
| advocates like myself who can be your eyes and | | | | make a world of difference in their aftercare. |
| ears and fight through the system so your parent | | | | The discharge planner will give you a list of |
| gets the best care. | | | | facilities in the area. They are not ethically allowed |
| 2. Contact your mother or dad's physician | | | | to tell you what the best ones are. Typically, they |
| immediately. As a side note here, it is very | | | | will ask you to pick three, and then whichever of |
| important that your parent have a general | | | | those three facilities has a bed on the day Mom |
| internist physician (preferably a gerontologist if | | | | or Dad is discharged from the hospital, that's |
| you can find one) WHO IS WILLING TO FOLLOW | | | | where they'll go. |
| YOUR PARENT TO THE HOSPITAL IF | | | | BUT HERE'S THE CATCH -- THERE MAY ONLY |
| NECESSARY. This is obviously something to | | | | BE ONE GREAT FACILITY IN THE AREA. SO |
| arrange now, before any unforeseen | | | | HOW TO GET THERE? First, you have to find it. |
| hospitalization occurs. | | | | Ask friends, families, colleagues. If you've hired an |
| Many hospitals now promote to patients a new | | | | advocate, they'll be able to guide you. If you're on |
| system of "hospitalists" -- these are physicians | | | | the ground, go visit the facilities. Ask for a tour of |
| who only work at the hospital and don't have a | | | | the skilled nursing facility. Talk to the admissions |
| private practice. The problem with this is that | | | | officer at the facilities you like. If one stands out |
| your parent will be a new patient to the hospitalist | | | | above the rest, keep talking to the Admissions |
| and you might not have the same hospitalist | | | | officer at that facility (you won't know exactly |
| every day. WHAT YOU WANT IS YOUR | | | | what day your parent will be discharged) and tell |
| PARENT'S PHYSICIAN WHO KNOWS YOUR | | | | the hospital's discharge planner that you want |
| PARENT'S HISTORY TO VISIT THE HOSPITAL | | | | your parent to go there. |
| EVERY DAY AND DIRECT YOUR PARENT'S | | | | This is so important and the trickiest part. When |
| CARE! This is very important for the continuity of | | | | you find out (usually the day before) when Mom |
| care for your mom or dad and for your comfort. | | | | or Dad is to be discharged, call the facility (or |
| A hospitalist might not pick up on something | | | | facilities if you're blessed to have several you like) |
| about your parent that his or her own physician | | | | and ask if they will have a bed open the next |
| would because of their history together. | | | | day. Some hospital discharge planners are |
| 3. Don't be intimidated by the hospital system. | | | | wonderful, others are annoying and territorial. |
| The reality is that hospitals have their own | | | | They may see you as interfering with "their" job. |
| protocols and systems which may work for | | | | But put any concerns about that aside, and |
| them, but may not necessarily work for you! You | | | | recognize that they are treading on YOUR |
| land in a place that's all new to you -- and they've | | | | territory, where Mom or Dad goes will make no |
| got the advantage. Do not be afraid to ask | | | | difference to them, it will make all the difference |
| questions of the nurses, other staff or the | | | | to you. If there's a bed open where you want to |
| physicians. Hospitals tell us that their mission is to | | | | go, tell the discharge planner that day -- tell them |
| take the best care of their patients, but the | | | | you've talked to the admissions representative at |
| reality is the only person who will be looking out | | | | the facility, there's a bed available, and you want |
| for the best interests of your parent is YOU or | | | | Mom or Dad to go there. DO NOT GIVE IN AT |
| YOUR ADVOCATE. | | | | ANY POINT AT THIS STAGE. YOU'VE DONE THE |
| When my mother was in the hospital, I walked up | | | | HARD WORK, IT'S TIME FOR MOM OR DAD |
| to the nurses' station behind which about 10 | | | | (AND YOU) TO REAP THE BENEFITS OF YOUR |
| people were chatting away, and the one who was | | | | INVESTIGATIONS AND ADVOCACY! |
| sitting at the desk right in front of me refused to | | | | Remember, regardless of your past history, |
| look up. I finally called out, Hello, anybody home? | | | | fighting for your parent at this time in his or her |
| And they all turned in disbelief, but I got what I | | | | life when they may need you most, can become |
| needed. | | | | the most rewarding time of togetherness for |
| 4. If possible, keep your parent in the hospital for | | | | both of you and lead to great healing, if needed, |
| THREE OVERNIGHTS. True, you do not have | | | | and joy. It won't be easy, but it will be worth it. |
| complete control over this, that's why the | | | | Hopefully, with these tips in mind, you can focus |
| presence of your parent's own physician can be | | | | on loving your parent to the best of your ability |
| so important, but if your parent will have to go to | | | | and not on the frustrations that come from |
| a rehab facility or go home for therapy, and he or | | | | navigating unknown waters. |